Journey to self-publishing - Part 1: My story and the publication process

It all started when I was 16. I wrote a poem in a classroom, felt a lump in my throat when I read it back to myself and stumbled over my words when I read it outload to a friend.

This made me realize that something special was happening, and I loved it. I wanted to keep writing, about everything. And I did. I kept a silly journal full of scrapbook pieces, filled with letters, poems and observations. I bled my heart out onto those pages and found peace in letting go of things I didn’t understand. It was a safe place where I felt understood, even if I was the only one reading it. I didn’t care if my poetry or writings were good, on standard or even acceptable to the outside world. 

I kept writing throughout my student years, dreaming of publishing my own book one day. My writings were very spontaneous at the time, I wrote what was on my heart, what moved me in the day or things that I felt needed to be questioned. I didn’t have any idea at that time what a book would look like or what theme I would like to go with. The dream was only to one day publish. Foolish at the time, but I kept believing it could happen.

Years went by, and my poetry changed based on my life experiences. There was a time where I couldn’t write at all as I was so broken and lonely, and other times I was too distracted with the busyness of life itself. I allowed things to become more important than enjoying the art. But I slowly found myself writing more and more again.  

To fast-forward a bit to the reason I wrote my first book. And the rollercoaster ride I was on getting it to where it is today.

I fell in love and my whole world changed. This love was different to any other, it challenged me and taught me what I truly believed. Which was against what I was taught.

I chose to run with this love, and sacrifice a part of me that I no longer recognize. You see, this love was unwanted as it did not ‘look’ like the love you would normally find in my world. And that is why I chose to change my world to the one I wanted to be part of. 

In order to understand the above, you need to know a bit more details. The love I chose consisted of two different colours, which was not acceptable and lead to the loss of many relationships. It lead to very harsh conversations, hard words spoken and uncomfortable physical encounters. And in return, produced a book. But this book is not about the hardships and adversity only, no, you need to understand the circumstances in order to appreciate the outcome. The book revealed something so much stronger – hope. Years later, still with lots of rejection, but also, lots of acceptance, hope emerged from this love. And I can’t share anymore as you would need to read this book.

So; the process.

I completed a first draft within one year. I placed poetry together which I thought would make a wonderful book, a collection of different stories and create a conversation around the process. This did not work. I sent it to a possible editor, to a friend and other people I trusted to help. They were all confused and after reading it myself, so was I. It was too long for a first poetry book. So I started again. Stripping the book from top to bottom and creating a new story. Another year went by. 

I went through extensive research trying to find the right editor as my book is in Afrikaans mainly (it will be translated to English in time) and it was a very tough process. I was disappointed multiple times, reason being, my book was either completely misunderstood, or the services I signed up for was not what we agreed upon, or the advise I requested was ignored. I eventually found the editor I needed and she was wonderful in her efforts to help me get this book publish ready. It took longer than I anticipated – I think being new to this world, I didn’t know how long things should take so I was impatient. But, we eventually got the book where it needed to be. We had our disagreements about certain things, I believe that was great as it also challenged me to accept things that could work better and not change things that I felt needed to stay the same. 

Onto the title. My goodness this took forever. What a mission to settle on the right title. This is a blog post on it’s own which I will share in time. 

I found the best graphic designer who helped me with the cover, layout and formatting. Someone who grasped what it was all about and was able to visually showcase it. This was the easiest part of the journey for me. My advise here is to make sure you find the right person. 

Lastly, I decided to be different in my approach to publishing. I always dreamt of publishing through a publication house like my heroes – Ingrid Jonker, Breyten Breytenbach etc. But I am also a realist understanding that this might not be possible (maybe someday). Nowadays the thing is - you need to either know someone, win something or be super famous. Which I am not. So I decided to continue with self-publication. And ventured into something called a Silent Launch. 

I will share all of these mini-journeys in blogs, courses and books to come. 

Right now, I am enjoying the journey of a self-published author. Having my first book presented to the world and letting the words be received in whatever way. 

I hope I can inspire you to do the same, if it is not to publish, but not to give up on your dreams. Coming from a procrastinating, decade-dreaming, closet poet, who was able to finish the first step in a life-long dream. And this is only the beginning. 

Keep an eye on my website and socials for when the book is out!